The End is Never the End: Case in Point.

I'm in the process of cleaning up/out my apartment today as I will be moving out for the summer next week. So I'm bopping around my room to some tunes going through the agonizing process of deciding which pieces of my precious junk should be thrown out and which should actually be kept, when I hear my phone ring. I run to grab it and see some 512 number I don't recognize. This always scares me a little because an unknown 512 number always means business. I answer it in my business voice and its some guy from the IRB asking me questions about my proposal. Oh crud, I haven't brought myself to call Dr. F yet and figure out what we're going to do with the proposal now that the travel request has been denied. Guess I'll just fake like this thing is still happening... so I talk to him for a bit. When I hang up with him I notice I have a missed call and voicemail from Dr. F.

I call voicemail and the lady greets me and tells me I have, "one unheard message. Message one..." As I listen I try not to wet my pants. I cannot believe what I'm hearing! Dr. F tells me I need to try and appeal the IOC decision (and I'm like, yea right)... and that this thing can still happen, call her ASAP. (OMG)

So I take two deep breaths and call her. She has been talking to IRB folks and my proposal can and WILL still be reviewed on Monday. Without the university's permission to travel, I can't go and do the research as we had initially planned methodologically, BUT, it is still eligible to get conditionally approved. And Dr. F has come up w/some ways to potentially tweak the methodology that would still get us the data, I just wouldn't physically be there collecting it. For instance, I could interview kids over Skype, or set up a survey online and have people on site help administer it to the kids after I'm gone.

There are still too many variables up in the air to say what is going to happen, but I do know this: ITS STILL ALIVE!! And to be able to say that after all that has happened has removed every last bit of doubt and anger that has plagued me since receiving the denial letter last week. Someway, somehow, something is going to come of this. Who knows what, but something will. And it will be good.

I am filled with joy to be celebrating the little resurrection of this project! It is an abundantly beautiful truth that the end is NEVER the end when you serve a risen Lord. All glory to him who is faithful! I know there will probably be plenty more frustration and setbacks (ha, especially if the last few months have been any indication), but he is faithful. Faithful faithful faithful faithful! WOO just wanna sing it, dance it out with me yall!

So to review: I will be "appealing" the IOC's denial of my travel proposal (more like inventing an appeal process since no one has ever done it before). My research proposal will be reviewed by the IRB on Monday (I will probably be given several changes to make and then be granted full approval in June*), and I leave Austin that day. I fly to Haiti June 4. THANK YOU for your continued support and prayers on all of these things, they are why this thing is still going.

*you know, hopefully. again, who knows...

The End is Never the End

I do not want to write this blog. It’s hard to talk about failure, efforts that come up short, things that don’t work out. After a long, hard semester, my proposed research in Haiti is one of those things. A few days ago I got an email from the International Oversight Committee with a very generic letter attached to it denying my request to travel there as an affiliate of the university because they have designated it a “category 1 (most extreme risk) restricted region.” Other category 1 restricted regions include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, the Gaza Strip, Somalia, Sudan, and Yemen… (One of these things is not like the other one?)

I, after all of this, was not about to take no for an answer. But after talking to all of the people I know who could potentially help me, I think its actually done this time. There is no appeals process. The IOC board members are very high up in the system. I was able to get the contact info for the board chair after barging into someone’s office yesterday unannounced, but I’m not feeling optimistic about it. I can’t meet with her, I was only invited to “write” her if I have any questions. The bureaucracy doesn’t know me, it doesn’t care.

So that means I will not be able to conduct research on the students at Respire Haiti Christian School, research targeted at helping the most vulnerable students and restaveks. I will not get data that will help us identify barriers to their education and subsequently develop programs and policies to mitigate those barriers. I will not get data that can be used to get grants, educate more people on the restavek problem, or advocate for these students.

Man, what can I say? I did all I could do. I’m trying not to have regrets about all the work that was done or harbor bitter feelings about it because I know that won’t do me any good. But now I’m feeling so directionless; like my purpose has been taken from me and replaced with a hazy confusion.

I am still going to Haiti. I will fly out June 4. Not sure what I will be doing there but I’m clinging to the belief that it will be something useful. Because I do yet have a purpose that cannot be taken from me: to fight against oppression, slavery, and injustice. What that looks like now though has become a whole lot less clear.

Praying for grace. Praying for guidance.  

Thank you for the continued love and support, it has kept me going. It will keep me going and great things are to be accomplished yet in the name of Jesus for justice for these people. After all, the end is never the end in Christ.